


Never Should Have Told You

by niiiiix, Sinister_Sagittarius



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anyways, Based on a roleplay, Coming Out, First Kiss, Fluff, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, Kissing, M/M, Mentions of Bro - Freeform, Past abuse BRIEFLY mentioned, Rejection, its damn good though, johns a little stupid. its alright, like one or two lines but yk, mild pining, uhh, we love him anyways, who am i kidding its just the roleplay copy/pasted
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-20
Updated: 2020-10-20
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:53:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27117067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/niiiiix/pseuds/niiiiix, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sinister_Sagittarius/pseuds/Sinister_Sagittarius
Summary: When John pushes Dave to tell him his crush, Dave puts a little too much faith in his best bro.When Dave confesses to John, John questions some things he'd ignored.
Relationships: John Egbert/Dave Strider
Comments: 2
Kudos: 28





	1. Chapter 1

"So," John started, dragging out the 'o,' as he scooted closer to Dave. The two were sitting on his bed at the time since the other had decided to come over, which was up against the wall in the corner of the room. John wasn't too tall, only standing at around five foot five, with messy black hair, deep blue eyes, and tan skin. He was often insecure about a lot of things, mainly the colour of his skin. He was Puerto Rican, and a few people at school would pick on him for that, saying some very offensive things. He felt like his glasses and braces made him look like a huge nerd. The dimples that appeared whenever he smiled. His laugh. He refused to sing in front of people because he hated the way he sounded even though he was good at it. The list kept going. However, because of the way he was, nothing was ever brought up. It was always shrugged off and pushed away, only to end up bottling up. John couldn't hide his mischievous smile as he continued. "I heard you have a crush on someone. And you weren't even gonna tell me?" 

Dave scoffed as he pushed his shades up the bridge of his nose. He set his hands down into his lap and stared at them for a moment. His hands were always his default when he needed something to distract himself with. He’d crack his knuckles or pull on his cuticles until he knew what he was going to do next. Because as much as Dave wanted to come across cool and collected, he was bursting at the seams, the thread holding him together being his sunglasses and the very few inches between him and John. The ones he’d just taken away by scooting closer. “Yeah,” Dave laughed sarcastically. “Like anyone would ever know if I liked someone. Who told you that, anyways? Was it Rose? It probably was, that asshole likes to see me get tortured any chance she gets.” 

"That's classified information," John responded, a more dorky smile tugging at his lips now. "Now, tell me!" He moved so he was resting on his knees, his legs tucked under him. "Who is it? Is she cute?" John was so far in the closet at this point that he didn't even know it, so it hadn't even crossed his mind that it could be a guy, let alone him of all people. If he ever had a thought about another guy, he pushed it away and blamed it on other things. With Dave, it was always how close they were. He told himself that everything he felt towards him was because of the fact he claimed he saw him as a brother. Rose and Jade knew better, but they didn't bring it up. 

“Nope.” Dave said, popping the ‘p’. “You said it best. Classified information.” He mocked quotation marks with his fingers, and smiled at John. Not that anybody else would call it that- Jade once choicely described it as a “smear of a smirk”, which had such stupid alliteration it made John laugh himself silly for a solid ten minutes. Doubled over, clutching his stomach with his cheeks so red the color spread to his ears. The image wasn’t something Dave could ever forget. It was… pretty. 

"What? No! You can't do that," John responded, furrowing his eyebrows in mild irritation. "Just tell me, dude. I'll keep it a secret! Pinkie promise," he said, holding out his pinkie finger. He didn't mean to come off as pushy, but he was curious. 

Dave held his breath. He couldn't count on both his hands and his feet how many times John'd asked him this, but he'd never been so insistent before. "Drop it, J." 

"But, you never tell me who you like. You keep it a secret, and it's kind of upsetting. Aren't we supposed to be, like, bros?" John questioned, a frown pulling at his lips. "You can trust me! You know I'd never tell a soul." 

Dave rolled his eyes. Not that John could see. "I don't ever like anyone, John, that's why I don't tell you. And we are bros! You're my best bro, dude. I couldn't... I can't just lie to your face." He looked away, and he felt stupid immediately for it. He couldn't feel his fingertips, and he was worried, worried, worried. He could hardly handle the truth himself, there's no way he could stomach saying it out loud. Not to himself, not to Rose, not to his wall, and most definitely not to John. 

John's blue eyes scanned over Dave for a moment, trying to read his expression and body language. He'd always been hard to read, so the ravenette struggled. There had to be something there. Something that indicated Dave was lying, and why he was. Sighing, John shrugged. "Alright, whatever you say." 

"What?" Dave said quickly. He didn't get why John would press and press only to drop it all passive aggressive like this. 

"I just don't want to force you to tell me if you genuinely don't want to," John responded, shrugging a little. "I mean, I'm still curious, but I'll stop pressuring you to tell me!" 

"Really?" Dave looked at John, more surprised than he should have been. John was his bro, his very best one at that. But when John wanted something, he usually pushed until he got it. 

John was silent for a moment, though he let out a long, whine-like noise. "Dave, come on! Just tell me!" He practically begged; he was determined to figure out who it was. "Is it Jade? Maybe Aradia? Oh! Or it could be Nepeta! She's cute." 

He laughed, despite himself. He knew John better than he pretended Dave did. "Jade's like, your sister, dude. Ew. Aradia's cool, I guess, but her whole death thing is... off-putting. And wow, dude, you think Nepeta's cute? Sounds like you're only pressuring me so as to take suspicion off yourself- which, by the way, was not there. I don't care who you want to bone." He elbowed John, attempting to take some tension off the room. 

John scrunched up his nose, letting out a laugh. "Okay, that's not true at all!" He exclaimed, rolling his eyes. "But... if it's not any of them, then who is it? I can't think of anyone else." 

Dave sighed. "Ignoring the fact that I already told you I do not have a crush on anybody," He said, half-way irritably and half-way playfully, "Do the math, man. Subtraction- you know that at least, right? Am I gonna have to write some sicknasty beats to catch you up on arithmetic?" He taunts, holding up a hand in front of his mouth like he was about to rap before John's hands get in the way. 

"Don't!" John said quickly, his eyes widening. The last thing he wanted right now was for Dave to start rapping, especially because he was determined to figure out he had feelings for. "Could you please just tell me which girl you like? I won't judge!" 

Dave chuckled, a light little thing. He saw the disparity in John's eyes, and felt practically double guilt because of how magnified they were. He saw the pleading in the way he held himself, and he could feel it through his hands because holy fuck john hasnt moved his hands. He looked down at John's instead this time. His cuticles were neat, and there were a couple scars here and there, from the game Dave assumes. Those hands typed messages that made Dave his first friend, his first bro, his first... He dropped his shoulders. Fine. It was fine. He could tell John. If anyone would accept him, it'd be John. John nodded, making Dave feel eerily like he could read his thought process before saying, "Fine, goddamn it, it's not Aradia, it's not Nepeta, it isn't Jade or Terezi or Vriska or anybody else you forgot. It's you. It always has been." 

John's eyes widened, his heart feeling like it had just been gripped by some unknown force. He quickly jumped back, staring at Dave, gobsmacked at what he'd just been told. It couldn't be him. It wasn't him. There was no way. He never seemed like he had feelings for him, so the ravenette couldn't seem to process that what Dave had said was indeed real. He hadn't imagined it. "M... Me?" He stuttered out, trying to swallow the lump in his throat. His tone didn't sound good at all. In fact, you could hear the confusion and, even though he didn't mean to, disgust. John, having never wanted to admit he liked guys, had developed internalized homophobia, which he was about to project onto Dave. He was about to hurt his best friend and, unknowingly, his crush. "Dude, that's... This is a joke, right? You're just messing around? Because that's... gross. Really gross." He said, his eyebrows scrunched up and his expression one of confusion, distaste, and even anger. Hearing Dave's confession had left a bad taste in his mouth, only because of the way it made his stomach twist. The way his heart was fluttering, and the way his body felt so light. Everything in him was practically begging him to accept it, but the thoughts he'd forced himself to have about people like Dave outweighed that and made him sick. He hated it. At least, he wanted to hate it. Quickly, he added, "I-I mean, it's okay if you do, I guess! I just think it's disgusting that you have feelings for me. I'm... straight, Dave. I could never love you like that." Big mistake. As soon as the words slipped out, John immediately felt like he'd punched himself in the stomach. 

The guilt settled in almost instantaneously, and the strong feelings of admiration for the other male and regret kicked in. He couldn't bring himself to say much, however, worried he'd make the situation worse. All he could get out was a small, "I'm sorry." That only made it seem like he was trying to apologize for the cruel things he said only because Dave was his bro; not because he felt awful. That wasn't the case, but that's how it came off. 

Dave felt everything inside him crash and burn to bits and pieces. He felt a hurricane pass through his stomach, a huge swirling of guilt and fear and disgust slamming around inside him. It made him feel sick. He hadn’t even felt it build up, he just blurted all his feelings out like a fucking idiot. He heard his Bro’s voice whisper in the back of his head, this is why we dont share our emotions, dumbass. And then he started thinking about Bro and everything he told him about gay people, and… Dave had only just managed to convince himself that it wasn’t wrong, and that he was still very much human for liking boys. Bro was almost never right, but if John says it too, it has to be an exception. Dave noticed he was still looking at John’s hands, from a further distance now. He was grateful for his shades and his devotion to them because tears stung his eyes and there was a lump in his throat that held it closed, making it harder and harder to breathe. 

He shoved up the shades by second nature, and froze when he held them on the very top of his nose. John gave these to him. That was partly why he wore them all the time, besides the irony. But when he held them now, he realized how much power they have over him. John started to look uneasy at the silence, but Dave kept thinking. He loved John, as much as it hurt to say it, and he wore the shades religiously once his subconscious realized. It took much longer for “conscious” Dave to understand that’s what was going on, however. He looked at John through the shades, and stopped letting him cloud his vision. He tried to sound strong, but it was hard to talk when you have self-hatred blocking up your throat. “You think I’m gross?” 

John felt like he'd been slapped in the face from the way Dave had spoken. From the way he asked the question. He'd upset him. He knew deep down he didn't think he was gross at all; that it wasn't true. He loved and cared about Dave, but he refused to acknowledge it was in a romantic way rather than strictly platonic. He couldn't help that he was like this, pushing down and hiding any feelings he had for other guys. All he could ever think about was his dad. He didn't want to disappoint him, so he practically shoved himself into the closet, slamming and locking the door, refusing to let anyone in. To let anyone know he was just like Dave. Dadbert would never be ashamed of John for being himself, but after years of looking up to him and seeing him so strong, so masculine. Never crying, never letting anyone know something was bothering him, never displaying any signs of being okay with that kind of thing, he couldn't help but think that way. His dad was his hero, and he wanted to be just like him, so he blocked out his emotions and feelings, thinking it would help him achieve that. In the end, all he did was end up hurting himself by bottling things up and others by taking it out on them. "Well, I..." John trailed off, refusing to make eye contact with Dave. It would've been difficult to tell if he was looking into Dave's ruby red eyes or not because of the shades, but he would feel it. He'd know they were looking directly into each other's eyes from the tightness of his chest and the way his stomach seemed to do back flips. The shades. God, those shades. To this day, it still made him feel fuzzy, knowing that he wore them all the time. They obviously meant a lot to him, and it made him giddy knowing that. However, he refused to believe anything other than friendship, so he thought it was just how close they were. That's why he had these feelings about it. "I don't know, okay? I don't. I mean... isn't it wrong? To be... gay? Not saying it is! I just…” 

Taking a deep breath, he looked away as his eyes started to fill with tears. He wasn't upset, just confused. He didn't understand anything, and it made his head spin. He was growing more sick by the moment, and all he wanted to do was vomit to get the nausea to go away. What he was saying didn't feel right. None of this was right. He was in the wrong, and he could sense it, but he didn't want to admit it. He couldn't admit it. As thoughts raced through his mind like one big whirlwind of confusion, anger, and remorse, his tears spilled over. He had such strong remorse for hurting Dave. That wasn't his intention, but it was too late to take back what he said. 

"You need to go," Said Dave, quickly and decisively, flashing through his feelings and his words. He didn't want to feel pity and hatred for himself, so he shut those feelings up and moved past them. That's always worked for him before, at least. "You need to leave, and you need to do it now." Something clamped down on his stomach when he said that, because he'd never said anything even close to that to John. He'd never shut him down, and he'd never kicked him out. At the same time, John had never called him disgusting before. John had never been right like this before. Dave stood up off the bed. He looked at John and took off the glasses. He threw them to the ground. He was so, so done. He looked up at John with so much hurt in his eyes, something John had never seen in an even minimal amount before. He was sure he was shocking or maybe even scaring John, but there was nowhere in him that could give a shit about what John was afraid of right then. 

John flinched, his eyes wide and his body trembling as he tried his hardest to hold back his sobs. He felt like he'd just been stabbed in the heart by one of Dave's swords, and the nausea only seemed to get worse. He screwed up. He screwed up, and he screwed up bad. He knew that because he'd never seen Dave like this towards him. "Dave..." He said, trying to keep his voice steady to come off as strong, but it still cracked. God, he was regretting everything. Seeing the way Dave threw the shades down, like they meant nothing to him, shattered him. His stomach flipped, and for once, it wasn't in a good way. It was that sinking feeling that shows up while sitting on the bus on your way to school, suddenly realizing you forgot to do a homework assignment or left something important at home. The feeling that happens when walking home by yourself at night, only to hear something behind you. The one you get when laying in bed wide awake at one in the morning, thoughts circling around in your mind until it finally hits and the loneliness kicks in, leaving that dropping sensation in its wake. No matter what he said now, it wouldn't fix anything. He fucked up. He still tried, determined to make things right again. He never meant for any of this to happen. Getting to his feet as well, he looked at Dave with a pleading expression as he tried to explain himself. "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry, I didn't mean it!" He exclaimed, his voice breaking as more tears spilled over, rolling down his face and dripping off his chin. Everything he'd been bottling up was starting to get to him now that he messed up. 

Dave hated this. He hated seeing John like this, melting apart. He looked scared, underneath all his tears, somehow, but Dave wasn't sure what he has to be afraid of. He feels his heart shatter for a moment when he looks down at the boy that was just a bit shorter than him and he realizes, me. He takes a silent breath, and his hands start to shake. hes afraid of me. He can't feel anything, anymore, and he feels disconnected with his body. Nothing is his, those aren't his feet and that's not his head, and that's not him shoving John away, and that's not him accidentally stepping on the shades he cherished for so long. If Dave was gay, he wasn't himself. He wasn't who John thought he was, and that's what he was most afraid of. "Yeah, you did, John! You..." His voice shook with anger, until it broke with sorrow. "This is the last time I'll say it. You have to go." His voice wavered, and he tried so hard to sound angry again, because maybe it would scare John away. That's the only way Dave knew how to take this. The only way he'd ever been taught to make people go away was to scare them, and Dave's sexuality had done half the work for him already. 

John tried to speak, to defend himself, but nothing came out. He opened his mouth, shutting it a moment later as he balled his hands into fists. As much as he wanted this to stop, he couldn't help but feel like he deserved it. He always deserved it. Everything anyone ever said about him or to him, the way he was treated; it was what he deserved. His self-esteem took a nosedive into a freezing cold lake, plummeting to the very bottom, and it wasn't coming up until it was pulled out after having already drowned. Nothing was going right, and it was all his fault. He didn't deserve friends, let alone a partner. All he seemed to do was ruin things. Finally breaking down in sobs, John tried again, so desperate to get Dave to let him stay. He didn't want this. He didn't want any of this. "D..." He couldn't get anything out. Everything was covered up by his crying. Realizing how useless it was, seeing the look on Dave's face despite his blurred vision, he knew he should just leave. Grabbing his stuff, he quickly left the bedroom, wanting to get out as soon as possible. He wanted to go home to sob and scream into his pillow until he couldn't anymore. Until his voice gave out and he grew numb. Until every emotion finally stopped. 

Dave didn't know what to do once John left. He knew he definitely couldn't take him being there, but once he was gone, there was an emptiness. He felt the emptiness well up inside him until it poured out into his room, everything around him gone, as far as he could care. Because he couldn't see anything he did as right until he fixed his problem. Until he fixed himself. He was broken, hopefully not beyond repair, because fuck, if John couldn't still... want to be his friend, how would Rose? How would Jade? All he'd have left would be his Bro, and he would rather fucking die then have that. He sat himself in the mirror and picked his face apart in his head, somehow thinking that maybe if his eyes were a different color or his scars were a different shape it'd change what he was.

Dave heard his phone play the Ghostbusters ringtone, and knew that John was pestering him.

John hadn't gone home at first like he intended to. Instead, he headed towards a nearby lake, his eyes scanning the horizon as he sat down in the decaying grass. Pulling his knees up to his chest, he stared off, watching the way the dark blue water rippled. The wind blew through the trees, shaking the branches and rustling the leaves, sending a few falling gracefully to the ground below. The sky was a light grey, the clouds blocking out the sun. Everything surrounding him seemed to be a muted colour from the approaching rain clouds. Sighing heavily, his blue orbs shifted down to the grass. His fingertips brushed over a few dead blades, closing around them and tugging them from the ground, only to let go and watch as they fluttered down to the dirt. The ravenette repeated this a few times before his eyes welled up with tears again, and he couldn't help but pull out his phone. John tried to convince himself not to bother Dave, knowing he'd need some time alone, but he couldn't help himself. He needed his best friend. He didn't mean for any of this to happen, and he wanted to express that to him. Deciding it would be easier, he tried to call him, praying to whatever gods were out there that Dave would pick up. He knew deep down that there was a slim chance he would. 

Dave's hand hovered over his phone a moment before picking up. He set it on speakerphone. "Dave?" He heard John say in the most devastating voice, and it was too much. It was too fucking much to expect from him right now. So he felt like an asshole and he hung up. He can't stomach hearing John's voice right now, or else he's worried he genuinely might puke. What did John want, anyway? To take it back, and say yes dave, ive changed my mind and decided you actually are disgusting and i want nothing to do with you! please come pick up your hoodie, i do not want it in my room any more :B. Could he do that? Did John have the power to just singlehandedly end their relationship? With a wavering sigh, Dave shook his head to nothing in particular. John didn't have the power to end the friendship, but Dave's feelings toward him did. They already had, really, and John just had to accept that. Dave can't see him again without wanting to kiss his face stupid because, fuck it, saying it out loud already wrecked everything he had. It was an awful kind of freedom, saying something because you knew it already caused all the damage it could, but Dave took all the freedom he could get from his suffocating mind. 

John pulled the phone away from his ear, staring at the screen in disbelief. Had he really ruined their friendship? Had he destroyed everything? His heart pounded against his chest, feeling as though it may leap out at any moment. He could hear the sound echoing in his head, like a drum being hit on a seemingly endless loop. He set the phone down beside him, resting his arms on his knees to bury his face in them, not even bothering to take off his glasses. Finally deciding to let everything out, he broke down into loud, grotesque sobs that wracked his entire body. Everything hurt. His heart felt strained, his chest was tight, and his head was throbbing from all the crying. He should've never opened his god damn mouth.


	2. Chapter 2

A little less than three days went by before John even had the courage to try to contact Dave again. He was giving him space despite not wanting to, but he couldn't wait any longer. Seated at his desk, he turned on the computer, opening Pesterchum once it was done. He noticed that Dave wasn't online, and he was hoping he wouldn't get on until he was at least done with his messages. Taking a deep breath, he started.

ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering  turntechGodhead [TG]

EB: dave, can we talk...?  
EB: look, i know that you're probably really still mad or upset or whatever with me. and, i understand!  
EB: i'd feel the same way...  
EB: but, maybe...  
EB: * sigh *  
EB: you aren't...  
EB: well EB: gross.  
EB: maybe you  
EB: we could  
EB: look, i'm confused... i'm confused about my feelings, okay?  
EB: i don't know who i am at this point.  
EB: i don't know what's wrong with me.  
EB: who i am. EB: what i like.  
EB: * who * i like...  
EB: all i know is that...  
EB: i just...  
EB: i love you, dave!  
EB: there! i said it!  
EB: i love you, and not in a platonic way either...  
EB: i still need to figure everything out. to find out my own identity or whatever.  
EB: but, i do know that there's... SOMETHING there when i think about you. the look on your face... how angry you were with me and the way you tossed the shades like they were nothing... god, the way that made my heart ache and my stomach sink.  
EB: something wasn't right, and i knew it. i could feel it, dave. i just didn't understand.  
EB: and, i was... scared to accept i felt this way. i didn't want to disappoint anyone.  
EB: i understand if you don't want to talk to me.  
EB: i wouldn't want to either... what i said was so mean, and i know i shouldn't have.  
EB: i'm gonna get off before you get back online because i hate how vulnerable i'm feeling right now and need some time to think.  
EB: i'll be here, though.  
EB: if... you decide to answer, that is. 

ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering  turntechGodhead [TG]

ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering  turntechGodhead [TG]

EB: <3 

ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering  turntechGodhead [TG]

Dave's hands shook when he finally picked up his phone. It felt like it'd been years since they spoke, it felt like they were supposed to have... moved on. Gone their separate ways, or whatever mature bullshit Dave was supposed to pull. His heart pulled at the last message. There's no way that John actually meant it like that, or that he knew what he was really saying. He loved John, but sometimes he was a bit of a dumpass. 

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering  ectoBiologist [EB] !

TG: damn it john  
TG: i could never intentionally ignore you  
TG: not if my life was on the line  
TG: if who you  
TG: well  
TG: might be  
TG: is bothering you  
TG: then im sorry for saying anything at all  
TG: not sure how my full-homo confession would have converted you from 'not a homosexual' to a full on faggot but  
TG: its probably my fault, somehow  
TG: so i hope that... goes the way you want it to, i guess? 

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering  ectoBiologist [EB] !

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering  ectoBiologist [EB] !

TG: fuck  
TG: the likelihood is that this is my fault, and youre questioning something you shouldnt be because youre sympathetic  
TG: you shouldnt force yourself to question something just to spare my feelings  
TG: youre too fucking kind, egbert  
TG: thats probably why i fell  
TG: because you were the first genuinely kind person id ever met  
TG: and you were just this bright thing that was  
TG: is  
TG: the opposite of everything ive ever known  
TG: and i have no clue why im telling you this  
TG: i really shouldnt be, if im trying to maintain this fucking friendship i broke by being  
TG: wrong  
TG: i just  
TG: please stay 

\--ectoBiologist [EB] is now an idle chum! -- 

TG: oh shit have you been here the whole time 

John stared at the screen, not sure what to say at first. His blue eyes were filled with tears that he quickly tried to blink back, but it didn't work. Had he really screwed up this badly? 

EB: yeah, i have been...  
EB: look, i need to tell you something.  
EB: just listen to me for a minute, okay?  
EB: i...  
EB: well, i know i still like girls. that's something i've always known.  
EB: but after these past few days  
EB: i'm  
EB: i'm starting to think i might like guys, too...  
EB: i've always felt something towards you, but i thought it was just because of how close we were.  
EB: i've always thought that maybe i feel so happy and... fuzzy around you was because i saw you as my best friend.  
EB: but watching you toss the shades that i got you like they were nothing ripped my heart out. i knew immediately that i fucked up and hurt you, and that was the worst pain imaginable.  
EB: the last thing i ever wanted was to hurt you, and i'm sorry that i did.  
EB: but the look on your face. the way you reacted... i'd never seen you like that. it was like a punch in the gut.  
EB: also, you didn't do anything. me feeling this way about... other guys has nothing to do with you.  
EB: well, it, uh, does lol.  
EB: but, i've constantly had thoughts about guys that i've pushed away because i thought it was wrong.  
EB: i took my own fears and thoughts out on you, and i'm so sorry, dave...  
EB: i really hope you can forgive me because i...  
EB: i love you.  
EB: romantically… 

\--turntechGodhead [TG] became an idle chum ! -- 

Dave dropped his phone at the last line. His heart went fast, and his mind went numb. All he knew was that he had to get to John, now. He didn't grab his wallet on the way out, he didn't grab his phone, and he nearly forgot his keys. The shades stayed on the ground, but that was fine. He didn't need them anymore. No more hiding how he felt. He got into his sweaty, sticky car and jammed the key in the ignition. His car was particularly old, so it took a couple of tries, but he got it eventually. He peeled out of his driveway and got onto the main road. Only halfway to John's house did he realize that A- he did not have a plan. B- it looked like he left him on read. C- he did not have a goddamn plan. He tried coming up with what to say, but his mind was uncharacteristically empty of suggestions until he pulled into John's driveway. His legs felt like jelly and his heart was going a mile a minute, not to mention the swaying, sickening feeling he had in his stomach. He took a deep breath, and knocked on John's door. 

"Wow..." John said to himself and scoffed, chewing on the inside of his cheek and digging his nails into his palms to try to keep himself grounded. He didn't want to break again. He tried to convince himself that everything was fine. Maybe Dave was just busy and hadn't responded. Maybe something came up. Don't jump to conclusions. He thought to himself. John rested his arms on the desk, putting his head down and staying like that for a while. He waited patiently to hear the Pesterchum notification sound, but it never came. What he did hear, however, was the knock at the door. A sigh escaping his lips, John got to his feet and wiped his eyes before heading downstairs. Not even bothering to check to see who it was first, he pulled open the door. 

John pulled open the door, and Dave thought he'd never seen anything more relieving before. "Oh, Dave, thank goodness, I was getting worried-" Dave took ahold of the collar on John's shirt and kissed him with all the force of a lifetime of repression being set free. John's eyes were wide and bright and blue and sparkling and loving and everything Dave hoped they'd be in this moment, this timeless second he'd envisioned for so long. Dave's hands moved to the back of John's head and neck, feeling everything he could because he never thought this would really happen. He didn't have time to think actual thoughts, and process actual emotion, and from the way John returned his kiss, he didn't either. Because the only thing he could even try to think about was how John tasted a little bit like peppermint chapstick, and how the hair on the back of his head was much softer than it looked to be underneath Dave's palm, and the fact that John Egbert kissed him back. 

John set his hands on Dave's chest, his fingers curling around the fabric of his shirt as he returned the kiss. From the moment their lips first made contact up until now, his stomach was flipping and that fuzzy feeling he got around Dave returned. He never thought that he'd ever be kissing his best friend, but here he was, doing just that with the one and only Dave Strider. It felt so right. Once their lips parted, he couldn't help but smile, his face flushed. "Wow..." He let out a small, shaky exhale. "I... really liked that." 

**Author's Note:**

> fun fact: both of us have had a similar situation happen????


End file.
